Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Love is blind, until you are forced to see

I heard on the news this morning that Camille Cosby had released a statement regarding the allegations of sexual abuse against her husband. She likened the news accounts about her husband to the Rolling Stone snafu. One quote stood out to me:

“None of us will ever want to be in the position of attacking a victim,” she adds. “But the question should be asked — who is the victim?”

Well, Camille, since you asked, I'll tell you. You are.

In the middle of February 2012, a then 51 year old man, Mr X, was invited to the local state police post to answer questions regarding rape allegations; the rape of a then 6 year-old girl in 1976. I have often wondered what he said to his wife. How did he explain where he was going, what he was doing, and how he confessed to abusing that little girl. I can't imagine finding out that John is anything less than the knight in shining armor I have always accused him of being. My next thought? Why do I care? Why should I care? What does it matter to me?

The ugly truth is that I do care. I care because I know Mrs. X has to be confused. I care because there is nothing to prepare you for finding out that the man you married may be a monster. I care because I know how ugly the truth truly is.

Perhaps Camille and Mrs. X could learn something from my husband, John, who had to face the ugly truth early on. You see, even though 18 years had passed, I still came into this marriage with all the baggage a rape victim carries. John could have run away, and I know some in his life encouraged him to do so, but he chose instead to come along side me, and fight through things as a partner, not just an observer. He has become my solace and strength every time I face my monster in court. Still this has taken a toll on him. He does not have an outlet for the anger he feels. In many ways he is forced to suffer in silence, and his fight is for one who is innocent.

How much harder it must be on these wives. They are guilty of only one thing, love. Neither of these women knew what they signed up for on their wedding days. They love their husbands but are vilified for supporting them. I'm not going to lie, I'm guilty. I got very angry this morning at Camille Cosby's comments. But as I continued to think about this during the day I've come to understand how Camille is  like me, an innocent victim.

And then it hit me- Mrs. X is also an innocent victim.

The ugly truth- both of these men deserve to be served justice. Both of these wives are going to be drug through the darkest of dark before they get to the other side. But both Camille and Mrs. X deserve patience and understanding. Neither woman should be vilified for loving their husbands. Love is blind, but both of these women have been forced to see an ugly truth about their husbands. There is nothing to prepare any of us for that.

1 comment:

  1. I agree, and can only imagine what their life might be like now. Someone I know who's child was molested said the only thing that could be worse is to find out her child is a pedophile. I have to agree.


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